Letting a puppy cry at night? For me, it's a firm no.
A puppy, even more than an adult dog, needs to be reassured, understood, heard, and to be able to count on his family to comfort him when he is in emotional distress. Leaving him to howl in a brand-new environment makes no sense and can do him real harm. Let me explain.
What a puppy goes through when he arrives in your home
When your puppy joins your household, he leaves a familiar, reassuring environment (provided he doesn't come from a puppy mill): he had his mother, his littermates, he had grown used to various species, humans, sounds, smells, and so on. When he rests, he snuggles up against his mother or his brothers and sisters, and if he is distressed and cries, his mother (or the breeder) comforts him and meets his needs (being reassured, eating, staying warm). He is not alone, and he is understood.
When he arrives at your home, he is torn away from that reassuring cocoon. No more mother, no littermates, no friends, and a completely new environment. Granted, everything a puppy discovers before the age of 3 months, right in the middle of his exploratory phase, is registered as safe, friendly, interesting. That is why it is so important to give him gentleness and comfort, and to introduce his new world at his own pace, with plenty of kindness and presence. He nonetheless remains a fragile little being who is being asked to adapt quickly.
Letting a puppy cry is cruel
No, you don't let your puppy (or your dog in general!) cry when he is in distress (at night or when he is shut in): it is counterproductive, on top of making you complicit in your dog's distress. Many people still advise keeping the dog locked in a crate (even with a little bed, a pee pad and some space; it doesn't matter, he is locked in) and ignoring him when he cries because:
- he's stubborn (sic)
- he only does what he wants (sic)
- he's doing it to annoy us, let's go and tell him off (sic)
- he has to learn that we sleep at night (sic)
- he has to learn to stay calm (sic)
- he has to learn to stay alone (sic)
- we don't want to be disturbed (sic)
- and anyway, he'll get used to it. Argh, no: a dog does not get used to not being heard, he learns that when he calls for help, nobody comes. The exact opposite of what he learned in his first home — which he not only fails to understand, but which puts him in a state of insecurity, even distress, and completely damages the trust he can have in you, the person who is supposed to be his new trusted person, his reliable resource, the one who will protect him. Feeling safe is one of a dog's fundamental needs (and a human's too, for that matter!); the feeling of abandonment is harmful to your puppy and to the bond you will want to build with him. A dog who used to cry at night, whom you ignored, and who eventually stopped crying, has simply understood that asking for help is pointless. Learned helplessness in dogs is when the animal stops reacting (for example, stops crying or seeking help), not because he feels better, but because he has learned that no response will come, even in distress.
In short: he gives up trying, out of resignation, not out of relief. Awful, isn't it?
So what should you do?
Well, it's quite simple! From the moment you choose to buy or adopt a puppy — from a serious breeder, not from a puppy mill where you will get traumatized puppies by default — set aside time, take leave, or get help! The puppy must get used to being alone little by little (start with 5 minutes and, if it goes well, gradually increase). Your puppy sees you leave, but also understands that you will come back. We cover this in more detail in our course on separation anxiety.
At night, set up his sleeping spot near you — wherever that is, in your bedroom, on the sofa — the closer the better, because feeling and seeing you will reassure him. Here, a crate can be an option, because since you are there, as soon as he wakes up you can go and cuddle him or take him out if necessary. If he cries, first make sure he doesn't need to relieve himself (a puppy has no control over his bladder, and having to soil his crate is degrading for him). Otherwise, reassure him with your voice, a stroke, and even your full physical presence, for maximum feeling of safety and so that he already sees you as his safe person. That is how he will bond with you (along with play and food, of course). Your puppy is a social animal: he needs the reassuring presence of his new family to feel safe.
If he has already claimed a comfort object (it doesn't matter if it's an old rag!), leave it near him!
Little by little, move the bed away from yours until he sleeps through the night. This work is gradual, but effective in the long term, and kind.
After that, you are free to let your dog sleep in your bedroom, your bed, the hallway, the living room; there are no rules, as long as everyone is happy with it! (And, need I remind you: no, a dog who sleeps on the sofa or in your bed will not become dominant!)
Conclusion
Your puppy is moving from one home to another and will have to get used to his new environment. Never do anything that could put him in distress and damage the trust he has in you and needs!
By meeting his needs during those first nights, you show him that he can count on you.
On that solid foundation, he will then be able to sleep alone, by choice… not out of resignation.
Want to learn more about raising your puppy?
This way! A complete online course based mainly on the puppy's needs, resilience, socialization, and how those first 3 weeks in your home will make a huge difference! A kind, positive course, complete with practical exercises!
You'll learn everything, absolutely everything, about your little one!
See you soon!
https://thedognanny-academy.be/en/dog-training/puppy/
Your Dog Nanny
